Something New

This weekend I said yes to trying something I had never done before.
In 2010, I had made a decision to live the life I wanted. When I was on my own again in 2011 I made sure that I was living life to the fullest. I tried new things. I didn't say no when I was asked to do something I had never done before. I had an opportunity for new experiences and didn't want them to pass me by. I signed up for a personal trainer, I ran a mountain race, I attempted water skiing, I went to a concert by myself, I trained for a marathon, I ran trails in the woods and I had my own apartment. I have worked to keep this a theme over the last few years. This weekend was another new opportunity. After I said yes, I wasn't sure I had made the right decision.
I was asked to go camping. I had never gone camping before. I have never slept in a sleeping bag, in a tent, in the middle of the woods, on a mountain, where you cook your own food at the campsite. (Camp Aldersgate does not count) When I was asked I said 'sure!'. Then I started thinking about it. And I wasn't so sure anymore. My husband thought I really didn't want to go and said we could just change our minds. But I didn't have a good reason to not go. I was scared...I think that's all it really was. I wasn't planning the trip. I didn't know where we were going. We don't own any camping gear. I didn't know what to pack or what time bring with me. But I didn't have a good reason to not go.
The group I was going with has done this many times. They knew what to bring (they sent me a list). They had extra sleeping bags and the tent was big enough for everyone (I didn't need to buy anything new).

They've been to the area before and knew what fun things to do.
I voiced my concerns to a couple of my friends...and confirmed that I really didn't have a reason to not go. All I had to do was pack a bag, buy some snacks, bring my smile and drive to VT...that I could do :)
The weekend was amazing! We visited Shelburne Farms, and Magic Hat Brewery.

We watched the sunset from the rocks on Mt Philo.

We had chili and smores by the campfire under the starlit sky, We were chased by a skunk on the way to the bathroom. We slept in a sleeping bag, in a tent, and woke when the sun was bright in the sky. We went to a chocolate factory and Ben & Jerry's.

I woke this morning ready to see some of the mountain...so I laced on my sneakers and was ready to go for a quick hike. No one else was really interested, so I went on my own. We had all hiked the evening before, to see the sunset. There is something peaceful about hitting the trails by yourself. Listening to the sounds of the world as it wakes up. The birds jumping along the trails looking for breakfast, the squirrels yelling from the trees as they gather their food. The other hikers you meet that say good morning back.

During the hike this morning I thought about all the fun and interesting things I have done since 2011. I am thankful that I have had these opportunities...and I am thankful that I have friends and family that encourage and support me with all of these opportunities.
I am very glad I said yes to camping. It was an amazing couple of days. The weather was beautiful, the company was awesome, the experience was amazing. I look forward to going camping again in the future. And I look forward to saying yes to new experiences :)

Running a Half Marthon

Today was one of my most challenging half marathons. It was originally scheduled for last weekend, Father's Day. There were a handful of people that I knew registered to run. We had plans to meet up at the start. Then the race was canceled due to the thunderstorms in the area. That morning I was grateful. We woke to dark and rainy skies. With the news of the cancellation I went back to bed!!
The race director was able to reschedule the race for this morning. There was also the option of deferring your entry until next year. I chose to run this weekend, hoping there were still some of the original group that would be as crazy as I am that I would be able to run with. With fingers crossed I watched the weather during the week.
This morning came and I woke to the sound of  rain and wind outside.

I was not excited about doing this race. But I had registered. And I was up. I got dressed hoping that I picked out the right clothes for the weather and distance. I packed a bag of clothes to change into so I would be dry on the way home. I had my maple almond butter packet and banana on the way to the race. I found a parking spot close to the start/finish line and made my way to the parking garage we were all meeting in. By the time I got there my sneakers and my jacket were soaked through. I waited to see if I would find anyone I knew. I had some water. I waited in the dry garage for the 7am start time. And then I ran into two of the people I was supposed to meet up with. We were ready...as ready as we were going to be for a 13.1 mile run in the rain.

The announcement came and it was time to head to the start line. It was raining. The National Anthem played and we were on way. It was raining.
I was hoping to keep pace with one of the girls I knew...we took off together...and she was able to start off strong. I was not. I kept in her insight til mile 2...then I just couldn't push anymore. I couldn't catch my breath, My legs hurt. I felt like I was running in the ocean. I decided that I would just run, no time goal in mind. I just wanted to finish the race running.
At mile marker 2 I decided I would dedicate each remaining mile of the race to people in my life. I have so many people that I share my journey with that I figured it would be easy. And it was. Mile 2 went to one of my girls who pushes me with my running even while training towards her own goals. Mile 3 went to another one of my girls who joins me for early and/or long tuns, even on days when she doesn't have to. Mile 4 went to me. For being strong enough to start this, for being able to keep this up and for being able to start life over at 36. Mile 5 went to the running groups that I am a part of and how very supportive they are; the adventures I've had with them and the challenges I've conquered with them. Mile 6 - I found a new friend.
While I was running I would say Thank You to the volunteers and the cops along the route. I cheered for the runners' friends and family along the side of the road under umbrellas waiting for their runner to come by but cheering us all on. I would tell any runner that passed me Good Job, Looking Good. And one answered back, We had an even pace and got to talking about our goals, our recent races, our training, our family members, how we got started...and before long we were at Mile 10.
She was beginning to fall back. We only had a 5K left. This we can do! We're wet, we're chilly, our sneakers are soaked. But we kept thanking the volunteers and the cheerleaders. And kept talking...telling stories. I told her about my first half marathon with my brother and his wife. We kept pushing up the hills and around the corners. Mile 11! We got this...only two more to go. I tell her about how I met my husband. Mile 12! We're almost there...push a little more...we're almost done...we're going to meet the goal time she had set for herself. I tell her about my first marathon...and my second marathon..and being dehydrated at my third marathon. And we're coming to the end. We can see the finish line. We push for a strong finish!
We did it!! If I hadn't found her I wouldn't have finished strong. I wouldn't have gotten out of my own head. I wouldn't have finished with a smile on my face and a new friend on my list.

When I started running in 2009 it was just me. It got me out of the house for me time. I would run the races competing with myself. I would push hard and try not to listen to the voices in my head telling me why I wasn't going to meet the goal I had set for that race. Within the last year or so, I try to have fun at every race, I say Hi to everyone. I thank the volunteers and the cops. I cheer on the runners and the spectators along the course. And I'll try to talk to runners that have the same pace. It makes a run so much less boring when you've got something to take your mind off of the aches and pains and voices in your head telling you what hurts. I'm grateful that the other runners don't mind listening to me talk. I'm grateful that there are volunteers and spectators that will cheer me on as I run by thanking them. I'm grateful I pushed myself to get out there this morning. This is a race that gets added to my list of challenges I've conquered. Woohoo!

I have spent the day refueling, resting and getting ready for the short week. I think I have finally warmed up.

Southern Comfort and Coors Light...and Alabama Slammers...

Over the last few blog posts I have provided Jenn's life in a nutshell. An overview of where I've been and where I am now. There are a number of obstacles and struggles that I have overcome. I had mentioned before that I was a drinker...a very good drinker (at least I thought so). When people ask me why I don't currently drink my answer is always 'because I got really good at it'.
I had my first drink in high school. I think the night of my then boyfriends senior prom. No crazy stories to tell from that time. I tried it, I liked the buzz. It didn't become a full time part of my life until I went to college. I suppose 'everyone' drinks in college. Had my first blackout during my college drinking days. Went to class hungover. Had some great parties! During my last year on campus I was on housing probation...got caught a few times too many with alcohol in my room.
I had been aware of the possibility of a real issue fairly early. I told my parents in 1995 that I felt like I had a drinking problem. My parents listened to me and helped me meet with a counselor. I don't think the counselor took me seriously...I wasn't much older than 21...if that.
Over the next few years I went back and forth with drinking and not drinking. During that time it was determined that I suffered from depression and situational anxiety. My drinking was self medicating, but it took me a long time to realize that.
There are tons of stories that I could tell of my drinking days. I had a blast. Each night was a fun night. We went dancing every Thursday. We went to the bar Fridays and Saturdays...sometimes we even hit the club again for more dancing. As I got older I could have house parties! There were times that I changed my plans because I knew I could drink with person B more than with person A. There were times that I went to my 2nd job drunk. Or to my first job so hung over that I would close the door to the office and take a nap on the couch. No matter where I lived there was a local bar that I was regular. They'd know which beer was my favorite, how to make the perfect drink, and who would do shots with me. I even met my ex-husband at a bar; on a night that I was teaching another drinker everything I knew about shots.
A person on the outside might not have known how drinking was affecting me or my life. Everyone likes to have a good time. Everyone drinks every now and then. Everyone has a night when they have one too many. Maybe everyone even blacks out after they drink. But I knew drinking was affecting me personally and professionally.
In 2003 my first marriage hit a turning point. If I had paid attention I would've realized I needed to end it then. Instead, I drank to deal with my pain and the betrayal I felt. Being in a drunk haze made it easy to ignore how bad it really was.
In 2004 when I moved out of KY, I made a decision to quit drinking. I knew that I needed to change my life; to help me find a happy place. Though the drinking made me happy, I don't think it was the right kind of happy. A change of scenery = a change of habits.
My life did change. I had more time, more me time. I took up crocheting. I didn't really know what to do with myself. I didn't ravel back to RI to visit as often - I didn't really know how to interact with my friends anymore. I wasn't really sure I knew how to have fun without alcohol. I had made the better choice, for me; to quit drinking. And my friends and family respected that decision.
Not too long after I quit drinking, the habit was replaced...with food. If I was stressed I'd eat. If I was sad I'd eat. Ice cream was my go to stress reducer...and always made me feel better. If I was happy I'd eat; what better way to celebrate. Want to get together - let's go out to eat! Taco Bell and Wendy's were open late; perfect for when I decided I had a stressful night at my second job. I slowly gained weight. I had found a new addiction. Food was my comfort and my friend for the next year or so.

Marathon Monday

I am a runner. I enjoy running. I am a marathoner. And to some that may seem crazy. I have found a circle of friends who are as crazy as I am!

Today is Marathon Monday, 119th running of the Boston marathon. I have many friends that are running today. For some of them it will be their first time For some of them it's their first marathon since the bombing. For some...they've done this before. No matter what category they're in. Today is one of the biggest days of their year.

I get asked every year by friends, family and coworkers whether or not I'm running Boston. I have not yet been that privileged.
Boston is an elite race. You have to qualify to get to the start line. In order to do that you have to run a really fast marathon, raise a whole bunch of money, or belong to the running club where you have 'won' a bib number. I have the privilege of saying that I know someone who has qualified for the Boston Marathon because of their race time in a previous marathon. As well as those who have earned their spot to run the Boston Marathon because they have raised a ton of  money for their charity. And also those who have had the opportunity because they have done so much with the running group that they've earned a bib number.

For all of my friends who are running the Boston Marathon today I want to say congratulations for getting to that start line. I want to let you know that I have been thinking of you all day. I watched the race online, I tracked your progress from apps and text messages and Facebook. I know the hard work that you have put in to get to this point. I hope that you are able to take the time and enjoy the ride of the Boston Marathon. I hope that the 26.2 miles finds you with a smile at the end and a monster sense of accomplishment. I cheer you all on!! I am proud to have you in my circle of crazy friends! And it has been an honor to run with you, train with you and follow you during today's accomplishment. WOOHOO!!!!!!

2010 Running

I started running in May 2009. At first it was just to see if I could. Then I realized what a sense of accomplishment I had with each new distance I covered. 20 steps to 40 steps! Then on to 1/4 mile, then a half mile! After a month I could run a whole mile! I was amazed, awed and proud of myself. I ran my first 5K in July 2009 (for my birthday). I wasn't the fastest and I wasn't the slowest.
In the fall of 2009 my brother and sister-in-law came to visit. The weekend consisted of a 5K race and some relaxing. The race was interesting. I was the fastest woman...and my sister-in-law was the first in her age group!! We were the only two girls that ran :)

That weekend my sister-in-law thought it would be a great idea for us to run a half-marathon together - um, that's 13.1 miles. 10 more than I had ever done! But we sat down and planned which run we were going to do and what my training schedule should look like. I was in. We choose to do the Manhattan Half Marathon in NY in January 2010. NY was a halfway point between us.

I trained from October through January. My longest run (10 miles) I ran with my brother and his wife and their running group. It was a slushy run. It was a great run. I had done a lot of my training on my own (I was the only person I knew around me that ran) and it was nice having others to run with. I was grateful I had their support for my first long run.
January 2010 - Manhattan Half Marathon. It was two loops around central park. We started off together and we crossed the finish line together and it felt AMAZING! I don't remember how I felt mile to mile, it probably wasn't amazing at the time. I remember thinking we had been running a long time when we got to the start of the second loop. I remember looking at a sign that showed the temperature and wondered how I was running in 30 degree weather. I remember the three of us finishing together and how awesome that felt. A little like the feeling I had when I watched them finish their first marathon. But I was a part of that now.

This was my first big race, but not my last. 2010 was a year full of races. I ran some small races and I ran the Queens Half Marathon in the summer. I ran the same 5K I had run as my first race and placed in my age group. I ran the Mini 10K in NY in June where I met and got autographs from Kara Goucher and Paula Radcliffe.

2010 was a year of finding myself. I did long runs by myself, I went to races by myself, no one waiting for me at the finish line. I gained a sense of who I was and what I was capable of. If I can run a 10K in NY by myself, and meet Olympic runners...I can do just about anything,..or at least have the courage to try anything. This helped me survive the end of 2010, the end of my first marriage and a new beginning of my life.

AHA moments

Weight had always been an issue for me. It was something that I remember struggling with as a young girl. My Mom and I joined weight watchers and I 'graduated' (the first time) when I was 12 years old. I remember receiving my Gold Key and a stick - to keep the boys away. The group provided a lot of support.
My Senior year in High School I wanted to lose weight for prom. So I changed my eating habits and followed a low fat diet and began walking the track on a regular basis. My Senior Prom I looked amazing. And I was the thinnest I had ever been :) I remember all those walks and eating salads for dinner, and how accomplished I felt to reach a goal. 
In college my weight yo-yo'd. I understood that exercise was beneficial, but I didn't make it a priority. One of my roommates walked daily! And when I could I joined her - she was quick!! But exercise was not a focus for me.
As I got older, life got busier. Hanging out with my friends, eating, drinking (recuperating from the drinking) became my priority. There were times that I paid attention to my eating, and I followed a 'diet'. But from 1996ish until 2009 I did not find time to exercise at all. Didn't really think about it at all.

In 2008 I had the opportunity to watch my brother and his wife run the Newport Marathon. I was excited to be able to be there to support them. I was at the start line. I moved around on the course to see them at different points in the race and cheer them on. I attempted to run along beside them, to keep up with them and show my support. I thought I was going to die. I waved them on and wondered how they were running 26.2 miles and I couldn't do .2. I remember watching them cross the finish line. How proud I felt to see them coming and cheering them on to the finish. With tears in my eyes, amazed at their accomplishment, a proud big sister! It has had a lasting impression on me.

The beginning of 2009 was time for a life change. One of my biggest AHA moments. I joined a local Yoga/Pilates studio, and signed up for their 'Wellness Ranch'. A 3 month commitment of taking classes, working with a nutritionist, and meeting with the instructors. I found that I really enjoyed yoga and the flow of the movements and your breath. I learned SO much from the nutritionist and asked her questions for years after. I learned the importance of choosing the foods you put into your body and really began to read labels. I changed to a more organic, whole foods, clean eating meal plan. I learned the importance of the nutrition of foods (100 calories of chocolate isn't the same as a 100 calories of cheese or 100 calories of broccoli). Through changing the foods that I ate, and tracking the foods that I ate, I lost a whole size in my clothes. And I didn't feel like I had made any huge change in my eating habits (except maybe eating more).
In May I watched my brother run his 2nd marathon. His wife was unable to run, but traveled the course on her bicycle providing support. Again I was able to follow him around the course and see them at different points in the race to cheer him on. I again tried to run along beside him to show my support, and to my surprise I got much further this time. I didn't feel like I was going to die! I watched him cross the finish line, cheering him on. Once again proud of his accomplishment.
When I got back home I decided I was going to try to start running. I ran 15 steps down my driveway,,,and again thought I was going to die. But I did 15 steps the next day; and asked my sister-in-law for advice (about running, and breathing, and whether or not I was going to die). 15 steps turned into 20, 20 turned into 27, 27 turned into 35. And 35 steps turned into a quarter mile, the length of my driveway. Then the quarter mile turned into a half mile - down and back up the driveway. By July I was ready for my first 5K race! And it just kept getting better.

2009 was a major turning point for me. I found myself. I enjoyed my life because of what I was putting into it. I am grateful that I found something that had such an impact on my life. I am grateful I have had people there to support me. I feel that exercise and nutrition were a game changer. I'm where I am today because of the choices I made in 2009.

The move 2004

In 2004 I moved from KY to PA. The move was work related, and planned. When I moved I made the decision that I was going to quit drinking and quit smoking. Both had been a very big part of my life for many years. I got VERY good at drinking. I knew that in order for me to become a happier person I needed to change my habits. Quitting was the first step.
I was happy with the decision. The biggest challenge was that it changed how I interacted with people. I spent the first year not knowing how to hang out with my friends back home in RI. I didn't go home as much as I could have.
I worked two jobs, so I was never bored. And I learned how to crochet, so I kept my hands busy while I was home. My nutrition was still a challenge. I ate what I liked. I ate what fit into my time schedule. Taco Bell, Wendy's, Dunkin Donuts were all located on the road I took to my second job so they supplied dinner and midnight snacks. When the office had snacks I would eat some, and bring some back to my desk. I would wrap the food in paper towels, hide it under the papers I was carrying, so no one really knew how much I was eating.
Me in 2005:

In 2005 I decided that life was unfair and the only thing I could really control was my eating. So I stopped eating the 'junk'. I cut out carbs. I cut out sugar. Concentrated on fruits, vegetables, 'healthy' snacks, sugar free desserts. Restricting my diet gave me a sense of control. The weight started to come off. I didn't really miss what I wasn't eating, or at least that's what I told myself. I was making healthier choices. I have learned that I still had a long way to go.
Over the next few years I kept my 'diet' under control. I continued to lose weight. I did not exercise other than the occasional walk with family or through the woods. I felt ok. I felt like I had control over what I looked like. More changes came over the next few years: another move, a new job. Another big life change - my first A-HA! moment - came at the beginning of 2009. That's when I learned about nutritional eating and the benefits of exercise.

The beginning

Talking about me has always been one of the hardest things to do. But I want to share my journey with you...where I was when I started, where I am today...and the many steps in between. There is a lot to tell.

So I'll start with 2002. I was the biggest, unhealthiest I ever was. I enjoyed food. I enjoyed drinking. I enjoyed smoking. I enjoyed life. I wore a size 18/20, and was proud of it! I had decided that I was just going to be a big girl forever. That the plus clothes were designed for me. I may have one picture from that time, though I haven't been able to find it.

In 2003, a girlfriend helped me change the way I eat. We started together. She offered me the book she had been reading. And some of the weight came off. I was SO excited the afternoon I fit into size 14 capris!! And this was all from changing what I ate! I had never been one to exercise (that came many many years later).
So I spent the next year watching what I ate. I quit drinking and smoking at the end of January 2004. I was starting to get healthier. But food is such a distraction! And eating is SO much fun. In 2005 I hadn't really lost much more. I didn't pay as much attention to what I was eating. And working two jobs left me little time to care about what I was eating. With Taco Bell being open on the way home from the store, and Dunkin Donuts being open on the way into the office...I ate well.
So I was again happy with who I was. Comfortable at a size 14. Enjoying the life I was living.